2024-11-14

Back to University

I haven’t written here for quite a while. Writing again feels like a way to mark this new beginning, to chronicle what it’s like returning to a structured path after so many years. In my time of absence, I began countless drafts, but none felt quite right to publish. The past few years have been a storm of global crises, career shifts, and personal battles that left me questoning my direction. I switched jobs twice, only to leave them both and go towards the contracting route. It was a time of intense internal work, a sort of 内功 (nèigōng), or ‘internal skill/strength’ as it’s called in Chinese martial arts.

Life in my late 20s felt like one step forward, two steps back. I’d thought I had things figured out, only to learn that moving to a new country didn’t solve the problems I hoped it would. If anything, it introduced new challenges, and soon I felt stuck again. Yet slowly, as I began working through this inner turmoil, I started to find my footing again.

One of the toughest questions I faced was around career satisfaction. I often wondered if I’d taken the wrong path entirely. I love programming, but finding paid work that also matched my interests felt impossible. When people rely on your income, you tend to choose the highest-paying offer, not necessarily the most interesting. I filled the rest of my free time learning new programming languages, frameworks, and topics that piqued my interest, but I couldn’t stick with any of them for long. The graveyard of started, but never finished projects grew. I was trying to fill my time without a concrete goal in place. The existential dread pulled me down with every step, and I longed to regain the balance I once knew. To use another traditional martial arts term I was trying to 内外合一 (nèiwài hé yī) - unite the internal and the external.

That combined with the fact that we live in a world where it’s easy to numb ourselves with constant online distraction, and I found myself questioning if the problem was my environment or me. Was I just lazy? Should I give up and settle into the corporate routine, as uninspired as it felt?

Ultimately I turned 30, and I realized it was neither. I simply needed a fresh challenge and a bit more structure. Which brings me to the headline of this post.

Math and physics have always fascinated me, though my relationship with these subjects soured due to lackluster teaching and lack of guidance in my formative school years. I’ve felt drawn to them, but afraid.

I’ve been programming from an early age, and I started working straight away during my final year of high school. That kind of enforced my view. Programming seemed like a safe haven that didn’t ‘require’ math, so I leaned into it. But as the years passed, I felt an itch to revisit these disciplines. I tried self-study a few times, but progress felt slow and sporadic.

Late last year, after another period of deep reflection, I came to a clear decision: I wanted to go back to university to pursue a BSc (Hons) in Mathematics and Physics. I reached out to a friend in Bulgaria to send me some old textbooks, gathered resources recommended by others, and began a more serious self-study routine. Progress was slow, but it was there, and each small step brought me closer to feeling ready.

And now, it’s official — I’ve enrolled in university and will begin classes on February 1st, 2025. I’m excited to dive back into learning with a fresh perspective and renewed discipline! This post marks the beginning of that journey, and I hope to share each step, challenge, and perhaps even some insights along the way!